4 Steps to Handling Disappointment

Disappointments don't have to control you.

Life rarely ever gives us what we want. We make plans and draw up strategies, but it often feels like there’s a force out there waiting for us to start something so it can create a mess out of our plans.

Disappointment is one of the constants we all must face and is part of what determines our successes or failure. But as someone once said, “The only failure is never to try”. True failure comes from inaction, which is a result of fear. The fear of not being good enough, of being made fun of, fear of making a fool of one’s self. These hinder us from actually putting ourselves out there. How do I measure up to all I see? I feel I’m not skilled or talented enough. The great men and women we see in the news and social media all started small.

There is nothing great today that was always that way! Every Chinese bamboo tree you see today had a five-year period where it didn’t break through the ground and took the time to create strong roots within the soil. During that time, countless maize trees would have grown and died, they only had short term greatness. The bamboo, on the other hand, takes it time to grow. It might wonder, why am I not growing as fast as the other trees, it would feel disappointed that it has remained at the same height for years.

This is what a lot of us feel in our journey through life. We wonder what we’re not doing right, we often tend to bemoan our situation and most times might compare ourselves to others. I dare say, no one’s celebrated today, who has not been faced with one disappointment or the other. I’m here to propose that we do not have to be afraid of or dread disappointment, instead, I believe we can harness and make use of it. You might be saying to yourself that it’s easier said than done. That is true, but it doesn’t mean that it can’t be done.

Attitude and Values: These are vital components in handling disappointments. Our attitude towards disappointment is often more important than the disappointment itself. If we feel defeated, it’s very easy to be crushed under the weight, but if we accept that there’s still room for progress, we’re often energized to do better. Values are an individual’s judgment on what is important in life, if you value progress and growth, you’d understand that disappointments are often meant to shape us. Though, disappointment may come from actions within our control, which were not properly handled, having the right attitude and values, help us bounce back better than before, as we get to understand what does not work, which leads to finding better ways to achieve our goals

Create an anxiety-handling system: Most people are hasty in making decisions after a round of disappointment to see if they could quickly solve the problem, which often leads to more disappointment. An alternative is to create a system that helps you handle the disappointment without doing anything rash. Examples could include; rather than spending hours worrying about what to do, you could, go for a walk, watch a movie, bake a cake, go for a swim. What these do is that they help relax you, and prevent the anxiety that would inevitably come from overthinking about the disappointment, which never helps you in any way. You could develop a personal system for yourself to help handle the anxiety of disappointment.

Be adaptable: We must be flexible and adaptable in our approach to every situation in life. Just because something worked yesterday, doesn’t mean it might today. As the world is constantly evolving, we must also evolve with it, so we do not get left behind. There are a lot of instances where disappointments happen as a result of our rigid approach to situations. Being adaptable equips you with the ability to realize that though I didn’t get this done this way, I could try something else and see maybe that would work.

Never be afraid to try again: The only people in life who won’t get disappointed, are those who never do anything. They are also the same people who would never be anything. If you are faced with disappointment, it means you’re making progress. This means that after every disappointment, you should never be afraid to try again. The last swing of the axe isn’t what brings the tree down. This means that though we don’t see the progress we think we should presently, as long as we keep putting ourselves out there, we’re one step closer than we were.

In conclusion, one thing you must remember is that as long as you’re alive, you’ll face disappointment in one form or the other, but worrying about it will never solve the problem which has happened. Every disappointment is an opportunity to rise stronger and better. You must learn to see them as part of the building blocks of success and progress. I hope this helps you. If you enjoyed this piece, I would like you to subscribe, so you get notified of my next post.

NB: After five years, once the Chinese bamboo tree breaks through the ground, it will grow 90 feet tall in five weeks.